For immediate occupancy: nebulous high altitude efficiency mist. No floor, water included. Perpetual fog provides low visibility privacy. Turbulence at high speeds. Jump seats encouraged.


For sale: boat house—not a houseboat that can float on a lake, just a house in the shape of a boat. I thought it would be fun. I bought it when I was 23. I had just won the lottery and said, "I'm going to live in a boat house!" That was twenty years ago. I blew all my money. You think a person who plays the lottery knows how to manage their money? My wife lasted a week longer than the money did. She took my dog. Neither of us actually liked it so I guess I win that one, but it's still insulting. You can host parties in this thing, that's for sure, but if you're the kind of person who needs the novelty of a boat house to attract guests, you might want to take a hard look at that. €20,000 (yes it has to be euros, long story).


For immediate occupancy: pulsating globules of living muscle tissue harvested from livestock and kept alive in a nutritive brine liquid. Not really a place to live in any sense of the word. But jesus christ. Jesus christ I'm lonely. Free to a good home, $30.00 to a bad home.