For Rent:
  • Balcony Ready
  • Cables
  • Ceiling Gland(s)
  • Garden Tube
  • Softwood Flooring (no shoes!)
  • Microwave-safe
  • Washer & Dryer Ready For Emotional Connections
  • 9' Ceilings w/ crown mold infestation (Aspergillus coronae)
  • Fitness center with state of the art snack bar
  • Serene swimming pool with tropical water imported from Amazon river (must have up to date vaccinations prior to swimming)
  • Parasitic Garages
  • Walk-in kitchens
  • Fully equipped crack den
  • Clubroom with fireplace and up to code sacrificial altar
  • Computer niche*

*in select units**
**I'm sorry I just really like asterisks